I am starting over. Everyday I will title my blog with a word or quote that inspires me.
I have let my meal intake slide and it has got to stop.
If I do eat anything outside of my calorie limit I will be eating a small portion (sigh, my St. Patrick's Day Corned Beef and Cabbage and Irish Soda Bread) Ok maybe I will only have one bowl and one slice!
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| Motivation |
Motivation. I should really look into that word. I need me to motivate myself. I have a cheering team but it's me who needs to listen to me.
I found this article. Knowing me, anything about soccer I find fascinating, inspirational and a motivation for me to fight for what I want.
Soccer-Winning Mental Pyramid
I'm going to be honest with myself and with those who read (which right now is only two but that's ok...this is mainly for me.) My current weight is 153lbs. I was around 125-130 when I met Camron. I gained weight after my emergency appendectomy which was understandable. My stomach was distended, bloated and I hurt to move. Voila I had a hematoma on top of that. All in all my body changed. My intake of food was more than my output and that was NOT my fault or for lack of trying. My intake was also different...foods didn't taste good to me, I wasn't really all that hungry and when I ate I pecked or sometimes I just didn't eat the right thing. I could NOT eat beef for almost 6 months and turkey for almost a year. Strange. Then in January, only 2 months after my appendectomy, I was in a car accident. It was the first day of Spring Semester and I had to return a book that I didn't need. I was rear ended. The impact of the truck hitting my stopped car at a STOP LIGHT caused my knee to bother me. After the shock wore off and I was back to normal I realized my knee hurt more than I had thought. It got worse. I ended up going to an Orthopedic Surgeon then to physical therapy. I needed surgery. I had my surgery almost 2 years later once I exhausted all my other options. I gained a lot of weight. I could barley walk let a lone run. I didn't want to put any kind of pressure on my knee or overexert it because I knew I would pay for it later. I was a coward. I became unhappy. I gained more weight than I ever had in my entire life. I had people all around me telling me to work through the pain. Easier said than done.
In August of 2011 I had my knee surgery. Excision of Plica is what it was called. Apparently I have crocked kneecaps, so the impact of the car was a lot more stressful on my knees than expected. My doctor said he would straighten it out once he removed the plica. VOILA! he didn't have too! Once he removed the Plica my knee fell back into place! But boy oh boy I did not want to wake up from the anesthesia. I hurt so badly then I woke up with tears rolling down my face. I"M NOT A CRIER AND I CAN MANAGE PAIN VERY WELL. THIS WAS BAD. It took several hours before I was able to get it under control with pain meds, and an anti anxiety drug due to my breathing problem setting the beeper off. My heart races when I'm trying to catch my breath and I can't. I felt wonderful after that. My parents took me home and I felt EVERY BLOODY PEBBLE my dad ran over! I just wanted my bed but was stuck on the couch in the living room.
I am doing SO MUCH BETTER. My knee will stiffen and become sore if it is immobile for a while but I can walk with no pain! I can put pressure on it! I may need to ice and heat my knee sometimes due to it being sore but I can deal with that. I can't run still but I can do the elliptical. The surgery was a success but my extra weight is bringing my confidence down, putting more strain on my knees than necessary, my self-esteem is low and that is not the person I AM! I realize that some things cannot be helped, like the appendectomy and the car accident but my eating habits, my lack of strength to get past the pain more than I did did not help my case. I gained the weight and it is so much easier to put it on than to take it off. This is my fight, my struggle. I have NEVER given up on something and I damn well will not start now. Believe in me or not (I'm trying to pep talk myself here so shut it) I can do it! I will do it. I may not be able to run a marathon anytime soon but I can train like I can!
My goal is to get back to 125
My achievement would be for me to be at my goal weight and to play soccer again.
I've been running 3 miles in 40 minutes. I want to run over 3 miles in that time...why 40 minutes? because my brother told me that 20 minutes is the start for the fat burn to kick in. I may bring up my time to 45 mins or even an hour. I WILL!
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| WHEN I can play again I will FIND these and I will ROCK THEM! |
Words I need to follow:
Motivation
Goal
Achievement
Confidence
I Am
Persistence
Faith
Pride
Beauty
Hope
(I will probably add words to my list as the time goes on)
I read your blog darlin. We're in the same boat with the losing weight issue. I'd love to hit 130 again, but I'd settle for 150. We'll make this happen. Love you.
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